Do not Fall in Love with a Smart, Introverted Man
You overlook him at first.
He flies under the radar compared to other men. You’re not that attracted — he’s irritatingly intellectual, a total nerd, somewhat of a killjoy.
But you reconnect later. Maybe it’s days later, maybe it’s a year.
.He reaches out because of something interesting you wrote. It’s your writing, it’s always your writing that draws them in.
He’s not your usual type, so you have no plans to fall in love.
You discover: he’s interesting, he’s fascinating, he might very well be a genius. When he
talks about data sets, somehow it’s poetry to your ears. His hobbies are unexpected and
wide-ranging: philosophy, fishing, tango.
He was a terrible student in high school, yet highly accomplished outside of it. Maybe he
traveled across Europe for chess tournaments, or around the U.S. for tennis
championships, or spent long hours sketching art in a black sketch book.
There was one teacher in particular that believed in him, and that made all the
difference.
He’s extraordinarily successful, astonishingly well-connected. If he was bored in school,
he’s been challenged like no other in his career. He has driven an original idea or
ambition to completion, with a discipline and willpower you can only imagine, achieved
what most humans could only dream of.
And yet the more successful and brilliant he is in a particular area, the more awkward
and incompetent he is in the most basic of others: he forgets to eat, he can’t pick out his
own clothes, he can’t boil an egg.
But you smile when you learn of these quirks. You find them endearing.
He finds himself talking to you a lot, telling you things he has never told anyone else.
You both conclude this must mean your connection is special. He cares about his mom,
and his brother or his sister, but he fought a lot with his dad. His dad was narcissistic and
cruel, and it’s an emotional scar that still wounds him today.
He’s got a penchant for logic games, and he speaks multiple languages. French, German,
Japanese — you will be entranced the first time you hear him speak another language,
amazed by the worlds he floats effortlessly into that you could never know.
He’s a mathematician, analytical, an engineer, a hacker — but above all, he loves to solve
problems. There’s no problem he can’t solve or won’t try. To hack his brain, simply
suggest a hypothetical problem and watch his mind spin in search of a solution.
He admits that he works a lot, he doesn’t meet a lot of women, but he’s looking for the
right woman: smart, driven, beautiful. Not one for online dating or apps, he hates
dating, and he’s frustrated and clueless.
You’re puzzled as to why. There is an aura of mystique that surrounds him when you
meet, a kind of power and presence in his energy that he isn’t even aware of, and that is
exactly what makes him so intriguing.
He may unexpectedly sweep you off your feet with his depth, his intensity, his
thoughtfulness. Watch him when he’s lost in thought, for that faraway yet intent look in
his eyes.
Suddenly you will find yourself in love with this strange but brilliant man.
When it comes to smart, introverted men, you may very well be the only woman they
have liked in awhile. Fatally shy, they may never ask you out.
But if they do, each and every one of them will be almost comically nervous around you.
Their hearts will race like crazy the first time they hold your hand, walking along the
city’s waterfront under a starlit night sky.
You will hear the same words over and over from them: You are amazing, you are
beautiful, you are gorgeous. Your skin is so soft, you feel so good, we fit so well together.
They say that they love you and that they care a lot about you. Perhaps you decide,
against your better judgment, yes, why not, you would like to go on a crazy journey
together.
Congratulations: you will know a depth and intensity of a connection few would think
possible.
Every time, it’s the little things that make you love him even more. He’s attentive to
detail, gracefully anticipates your needs. Oddly neurotic in the strangest of ways: afraid
of heights, of germs, sensitive to sounds. You’ve never met someone with his sleep
patterns: he sleepwalks, he needs very little sleep, he’s out like a light.
Mostly, he just wants to make you happy. He loves to be with you, just to hear you talk.
You will laugh together, play together, dream up inspiring futures together. In the span
of a few minutes, you can shift easily from giggling like silly 4-year-olds to discussing the
troubling impact of AI on our species.
You’ll make love. You’ll fuck. Relax blissfully into each other’s arms. Lulled into a sense
of home
You will know a oneness that transcends worlds, and words.
One day, he will decide to leave you. It will be sudden and swift with no warning.
Troubled at last by doubt, terrified that committing any further will hurt you, triggered
by personal traumas, he will decide, quietly, independently — because that is how he
has solved every problem — that it’s over
He’ll miss your insights. Your freewheeling conversations. But that’s it.
His willpower and discipline means you will never hear from him again. The linearity of
his mind means he will conclude, like a logic game, you were not meant to be.
He will not look back, QED.
You will never really know why. You will be haunted for days, months, even years. Till
the end of time.
When you meet such a man, do not fall in love. You will be demolished, devastated,
systematically destroyed, yet again, by yet another smart, introverted man.
Every single time.